singing in a garden.

The Fall. It's where it all started. Us. Separation. Feeling naked. I look at the world and see the hurt, the suffering, the destruction. I see my own life and I realize that it's not getting worse but ironically how it's been ever since that day in the garden.

It makes so much sense to me now. I see clarity where I once saw a mere story. Why do we were clothes? Our skin is more water proof than GORTEX! Yet, we have closets full. Without them we feel cold, shy, embarrassed, exposed and insecure. Fear arises.

In the bible it says that after the fall Adam and Eve realized they were naked and hid, covering themselves with leaves. This intrinsically explains our nature. Or do you have other idea why we need clothes?

Can you imagine? A huge, endless garden. The word garden is minuscule and doesn't do it justice. It was probably more like an amazon. I close my eyes, imagining, thinking about this guy, Adam, who was so miserably lonely, having to name all of the animals one by one (thats a lot of animals and a lot of time to be lonely), realizing that none were suitable mates. After all this, and by then I'm sure Adam had given up hope to find his best friend, he was given Eve. I think of their first date and laugh sardonically. Naked first of all, in this amazing place they call home. Finding love and comfort in each others eyes. How beautiful that they were made for each other. All amazed at God, at how much he loves them. Starring into each others eyes thinking ..."thank you, God. I'm in awe of what you've done and how loved I am by you. Thank you. Thank you."

Worship. In a garden. Love. Significantly powerful.

Knowing there's no sweeter love than the love you pour on me. Knowing there's no song sweeter than the song you sing to me. God sang in that garden. The thing was that Satan also knew how to sing. He is an angel, fallen, but still an angel. I imagine angels being created to sing, welcoming and rejoicing all those who call on the Lord. So when Adam and Eve were deceived and instantly realized they were naked, feeling all those feelings we feel, it changed them. Now their worth didn't just come from God. They wanted more. They wanted better. Were they bored? Did they have trust issues?

What did Adam think about Eve now? Was Eve balling her eyes out, her heart hurting, feeling broken, trying to mask her pain? Did she ask Adam to have some moonshine to forget what happened? Did Adam see her hurting, hurting himself because she is a part of him? He loves her but did he struggle to find words and just hold her? Did she think Adam wouldn't want to be with her and why can't she stop crying? Where was God? Why isn't he telling them he forgives them? Where's the music now?

Was it the next day? Eyes swollen and puffy from crying, feeling like a truck hit you from one too many home-made brewskies, that the sun was still shining like normal, birds still chirping. That in the stillness of the dawn, even though they felt separated from God, they thought, "your loves makes it worth it," remembering and clinging to the moments when they felt drenched in His love. Realizing that they have changed but God hasnt. Hope.

I picture Adam and Eve saying this sucks, this hurts but let's suffer well. Let's praise and worship God like we did when things were great. I imagine this worship. Feeling loved yet feeling broken. Love and pain. Did Adam realize he didn't glorify God like he deserved and now he praises Him for this because even though it hurts and sucks he is able to see more clearly. How can you know what is beautiful until you know what isnt beautiful, realizing now how beautiful their maker is, in awe of his splendor. Loving him because he is worthy ...this in turn, stirs up feelings and emotions of how things were. Feeling dumb that you traded God for something else and ended up empty, realizing that He is the only thing that truly satisfies us. That our worth comes from Him. That we don't have to be the best, the most popular, have the nicest car ...want whiter teeth, to be taller, skinner, pick the sweetest fruit ...that He loves us the way we are ...broken.

Would I love God the way I do if I wasn't aware of my brokenness, aware that I have to live from something more than myself? Because we're broken, we need a Savior. ONe that meets us right where we are and says "I know" and "I've been there" and "I love you."

Adam turns to Eve and says, "Wait, did you hear that?"
And Eve says, "What Adam? I know you have a problem hearing but what is it?"
"Shhhh, listen," says Adam with a smile creeping from the corners of his mouth.

And then she hears it. It's subtle. Something that was always there but she didn't realize it until now ...singing. As it echos through the moutains, rumbling the leaves, its synchronizing tunes with the earth seemingly taking part in the jubulation. It's Him and he's still singing the song of redemption.

we were created for joy.

Well I just recently moved to Saint Louis ..the Lou, home of the arch ..not arc, Sonia! ...and I have to say its growing on me. I have never wanted to live in a big city, still don't, however for the time I like it. I'll let you know when I see Nelly :) Anyway ...I've learned a lot here already and have only been here since March! Everyday is a battle. A battle for your joy. And its a choice. I can choose to have joy or choose to let the world swallow it up and I can wallow around just thinking of myself. Our life is supposed to be about JOY ...that's our light ...that's Jesus and in your brokenness its your light that God uses to help someone else that's broken! And we do this not to be a better person or to make God like us more ...or fear but because we have experienced this Joy and have been changed by it ...and we merely want others to experience it to.

All of who we are is to experience Jesus. All.

Its more that just talking about it ...seeing it ...but tasting it everyday! "Taste and see that the Lord is good." Its a battle between good and evil, yes but so much more! Everything that this world has to offer is biding for your joy. Your money, your time, your friends, your circumstances, the weather (hah yes ...this one is huge for me ...stl is cold ..boo), your gifts and talents ...and i could go on and on! But the point isnt to just go through life and let things not affect you. I have felt like this coming out of playing for the Eagles ....oh you cant react to not playing, for example ...or to the refs ...and i felt like i became someone who just tried to shove every emotion away and whenever anything bad happened i would not react and i felt like this was apathetic. Its a fight ...a battle ...and yes react!!! in a way that reflects Christ, yes ..but react ...and EXPERIENCE Christ ...experience Him ...because the times you most experience this joy ..this HOPE ...this living, breathing God that loves us is when amidst the suffering, the pain, the contradiction, the drama ...is when you have nothing to cling onto but God ..but love ...and that is Joy! Jesus died for the JOY that was set before him. The bible says that is was for the Joy that he endured the cross! That was his strength!

Joy is everything ...its how we make God smile. John Piper says this, "God created me—and you—to live with a single, all-embracing, all-transforming passion—namely, a passion to glorify God by enjoying and displaying his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. Enjoying and displaying are both crucial. If we try to display the excellence of God without joy in it, we will display a shell of hypocrisy and create scorn or legalism. But if we claim to enjoy his excellence and do not display it for others to see and admire, we deceive ourselves, because the mark of God-enthralled joy is to overflow and expand by extending itself into the hearts of others. The wasted life is the life without a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples."

Also think about this ...the really wonderful moments of joy in this world are not the
moments of self-satisfaction, but self-forgetfulness. True, yeah? God created us to live with a single passion to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life.

I find it rather "intriguin", as my roommate would say, that the word enjoy has the word JOY in it! Our purpose is to glorify God and enJOY Him forever.

Everyday I wake up and have to tell myself to choose joy because most days I don't want to. Its easy to love people that love you. Its easy to find joy and smile when its nice out and the dogs are finally sleeping! But everyday I have to FIGHT to choose joy ...and I dont pretend to have all the answers ...not even close ...or in the right direction ...but I know that "the JOY of the Lord is my strength" (Neh 8:10) and that "He will always do immeasureably more that you can ever ask or imagine" (Eph 3:20)

love life, choose joy!
L

the geo.

Recently this past weekend, friends and I were conversing about car names. Every car has to have a name ...given its personality. My cars in the past have been named around the PITA concept ...Pain In The Ass :) However, the geo is a step up. With her two-toned color she really takes to her model name, Prizm. I dont have a real personal name for her ...the Geo works ...sums it all up in the make.

But recently she has been getting a lot of miles and things just start to sage, droop, and wrinkle with age, ya know? Well my current problema is that my window doesnt roll down (this would be the only great time for self roll up windows, i dont even know what they're called). I have power windows but no power is going to my window. Out of all the windows that could possibly not work, its mine. I mean no one ever really rides in the geo ...maybe willow so cmon geo ...

I was like okay no big deal right? WRONG! You dont realize how many things you need to roll your window down for and if you cant you look retarded. For example, everyday i go into work, into the employees parking lot (yes, i'm an employee somehow with no salary ..ha) and i have to use my access card to get through the gate and everyday i have to pull up close but in front of the access point and open my door and lean back, extend my arm, slam the card in without dropping the card because my elbow is breaking and then rush to pull the card out and shut the door all before the gate goes down. I think I break a sweat.

Example number two. Dont go to ATMs. I mean its been so long since i've been into a bank i dont even know what to do ...nonetheless my bank account number?!?!?!

Example number three. Drive-thrus are a NO. This sucks. Who really wants to get out and stand in line at starbucks or anywhere for that matter. I really appreciate the few places you can go through on the passenger side. hahah i've only seen that once at some random burger joint and laughed because i thought it was useless. Not now.

Example four. I freaking live in Florida. Its always hot and nice here. So I have my sun roof open (yes, the geo is that big time for a sun roof ...holler!) but my window up. Thats a fun breeze. No air coming in to feel the breeze on your face and sing at the top of your lungs.

I've realized how much of a convenience I'm use to and when i dont have something thats accustom I'm perturbed. I'm working on it ...and finding joy along the way :)

the geo is good because GOD is good. Live life, choose joy.